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When a cousin or a pal would help me learn these things, I would end uphaving a crush on him (what I really needed was a dad). Since spankingswere one type of interaction my dad did do, I ended up making this powerdisplay a central theme in my adult fantasy life. I thought that somehow,if my dad really whipped me hard (which he never did) it would somehow"make a man out of me."In the early sixties it was still common for dads to whip their sons inworking-class neighborhoods. I remember hearing a k** down the streetreally "getting it" from his dad, on more than one occasion, who used arazor strop on his boys out in the garage. The k** once showed me hiswelts the day after a particularly brutal beating when we were both aroundtwelve. I was turned-on by this even then.Since I so craved masculine attention and didn't know how to fight, I fellvictim to bullies in junior high school. They would abuse me in the boysroom after school, making me light their cigarettes or kiss their. ‘Well, I thought I did everything I wanted to do here, but I realized I really haven’t.’ ‘What haven’t you done?’ I said. ‘You’ll see soon,’ he said with a smile, getting up and walking away. The next week, after graduation, I got a text from John, asking me what I planned to do that day. After telling him I had nothing planned, he asked if I wanted to hang out. I said sure. We both agreed to go to the park down the street from my house, and hang out for a bit. I got ready, dressing in my tightest jeans and a low-cut tank top. When I first saw him, I ran up to hug him because I had missed him. After we sat down I noticed how he sat closer to me than he usually had before, but I let that thought pass. As we started talking about our plans for college, he seemed to lean into me more, and I started to get a little uncomfortable which he must have noticed because he apologized and backed up. We continued talking, and then all of a sudden, he leaned in and before I could react, kissed me.
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